After weeks of speculation, the heavens have parted and the angels sang and Good Morning America revealed unto us the next Bachelor. That’s right, it’s HIM! Why it’s *checks internet* Arie Luyendyk Jr. from *checks […]
BIP Week 3: The Ballad of Scallop Fingers
This week’s episode starts out with a blindfolded Jack Stone trying to guess what the girls are feeding him. Alexis, the New Jerseyian Trickster Goddess she is, tries to feed him a dead crab. It’s […]
BIP Week 2: At Least there’s Guacamole
Another week, another four hours of problematic BIP to parse through. Although in fairness, I only watched three of them – I’ve had enough of Chris Harrison pretending that any of these conversations he’s mediating […]
BIP: Welcome Back to Garbage Island
Hello again, fellow trash boats. First of all, a sincere apology for this late, abbreviated recap of the first week’s episodes of Bachelor in Paradise. I did not realize that there was FOUR HOURS of this, […]
Episode 12: True Love Waits Too Damn Long
I know. I KNOW. The world is topsy turvy and it feels like election night all over again. How did we get here? What is happening? WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS? Before we dig into this three […]
Episode 11: The Men Talk About Nothing
Hey, did anyone else play Mario Party on the N64 as a kid? Remember when you were about 3/4 of the way through the game, Koopa Troopa showed up to do a recap that was […]
Episode 9: The Real Deal
We’re down to the final three guys, and that can only mean one thing. FANTASY. SUITES. Except Rachel decides to change things up on the guys by dropping in on their hotel room and informing […]
Episode 8: Home is Where the Crazy is
Rachel meets her remaining husbands’ families this week, and what starts out as an overwhelmingly positive episode slowly devolves into some really uncomfortable TV viewing! ERIC’S HOMETOWN: BALTIMORE Up to this point, I’d felt pretty […]
Episode 7: The Other Lake Geneva
Chris Harrison granted us a reprieve after four hours of The Bachelorette two weeks ago, and tonight’s episode returns us to the formulaic programming we’re used to. OR DOES IT?? This week, Rachel takes three […]
Episodes 5 & 6: 240 MINUTES OF THIS
So there was FOUR HOURS of The Bachelorette to sit through this week. 240 MINUTES. Just typing that makes me question my life priorities! JACK STONE CAN’T TAKE A HINT Despite the fact that every promo teases […]