It’s the second week of Colton’s eventual deflowering, which means date cards are coming. Chris Harrison shows up at the mansion to test his new catchphrase: The first group date is Demi, Bri, Tracey, Elise, […]
Category: Reality TV
Episode 1: Thank God for DVR
Like Neil Lane, Reality TV Ph.D has once again risen from the grave to recap Colton’s quest for love. Give a belated Nobel Prize to whatever engineering genius figured out how to make DVR a […]
TRAAAAAASH
Week 2 kicks off with a group date card arriving for Clay, Chris R (side note: why the R? Does Christon also go by Chris, or is there another generic dude here I missed?) David […]
The Grand Fin-Arie
Arie’s season crawled to an end with a FIVE HOUR finale spread over two nights. I watched it in a Holiday Inn Express on a stressful business trip, and it really amplified the abject misery […]
BIP Week 3: The Ballad of Scallop Fingers
This week’s episode starts out with a blindfolded Jack Stone trying to guess what the girls are feeding him. Alexis, the New Jerseyian Trickster Goddess she is, tries to feed him a dead crab. It’s […]
BIP Week 2: At Least there’s Guacamole
Another week, another four hours of problematic BIP to parse through. Although in fairness, I only watched three of them – I’ve had enough of Chris Harrison pretending that any of these conversations he’s mediating […]
BIP: Welcome Back to Garbage Island
Hello again, fellow trash boats. First of all, a sincere apology for this late, abbreviated recap of the first week’s episodes of Bachelor in Paradise. I did not realize that there was FOUR HOURS of this, […]
Episode 12: True Love Waits Too Damn Long
I know. I KNOW. The world is topsy turvy and it feels like election night all over again. How did we get here? What is happening? WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS? Before we dig into this three […]
Episode 11: The Men Talk About Nothing
Hey, did anyone else play Mario Party on the N64 as a kid? Remember when you were about 3/4 of the way through the game, Koopa Troopa showed up to do a recap that was […]
Episode 9: The Real Deal
We’re down to the final three guys, and that can only mean one thing. FANTASY. SUITES. Except Rachel decides to change things up on the guys by dropping in on their hotel room and informing […]