It’s the second week of Colton’s eventual deflowering, which means date cards are coming. Chris Harrison shows up at the mansion to test his new catchphrase: The first group date is Demi, Bri, Tracey, Elise, […]
Tag: Chris Harrison
Episode 1: Thank God for DVR
Like Neil Lane, Reality TV Ph.D has once again risen from the grave to recap Colton’s quest for love. Give a belated Nobel Prize to whatever engineering genius figured out how to make DVR a […]
The Men Yell All
The Tell All episodes are brazenly useless filler episodes, but Chris Harrison has kids to put through college so here we are. With no linear storyline to recap, here’s some RANDOM JUDGING: WORST DRESSED Initially […]
Justice for Chachi
Becca and the remaining husbands are flown out to Thailand for Fantasy Suite week. She’s “in love with two men and falling in love with a third”. How exhausting! BLAKE’S DATE Blake hasn’t seen Becca […]
So Much Conch
It’s Week 7 of the Bachelorette, and Becca and her remaining husbands are in the Bahamas. Weeks 5 and 6 were typical of the mid season Bachelor franchise slump (bleak and terribly stupid) and work […]
Becca’s Boyz
Welcome back to another scintillating season of The Bachelorette. Becca is here to finally find her real true love after being dicknotized by Arie for 8 weeks, only to have her heart broken when he […]
The Grand Fin-Arie
Arie’s season crawled to an end with a FIVE HOUR finale spread over two nights. I watched it in a Holiday Inn Express on a stressful business trip, and it really amplified the abject misery […]
Episode 6: The City of Uuuuggghhhh
This week, Arie and his lady friends head to Paris! For whatever diabolical reason, the women are confined to U by Uniworld River Cruise. It’s unclear if they’re allowed to leave the boat, except for […]
Episode 3: Oh my GLOB
It’s only Week 3, and one of the Laurens says she’s “emotionally and physically drained”. Chris Harrison’s ears perk up at the sound of human suffering, so he apparates into the mansion to drop off […]
Episode 1: Off to the Races
In case you don’t remember all the way back to 2012 (and who can blame you, what with the toxic hellscape in which we all currently live!) Arie’s heart was broken when Emily dumped him […]